I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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