wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
