Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
