i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
