There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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