she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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