He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
