I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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