hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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