Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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