Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
