at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
