Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
