sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
