Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
