She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
