i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
