JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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