we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
