im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
