I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
