I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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