Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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