i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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