im so drunk with asians
where?
always
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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