But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
