I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
