I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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