Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
