it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
