She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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