This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
