I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
