Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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