hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
