i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my shit smells like andre
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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