i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
