How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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