Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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