Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
