dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just pynch a tree in the face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
