See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
