I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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