Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
