Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
