I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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