Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
