apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
