I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You pole danced in your parka.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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