We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
