This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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