We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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