every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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